Blow job, head, dome, oral sex, fellatio, whatever you want to call it, it’s a very personal act to engage in. Samantha Jones put it best when she said, “Honey, they don’t call it a job for nothing.” 

I will never forget my first experience with giving head — every article I’d read from Cosmo flashed before my eyes, and I refused to let him know I was a rookie. So, I tried my best to remember the magazine’s “Top 10 Tips” while facing the fear of seeing a penis so close up for the first time. It was this night that I was given my first praise (or my first lie, depending on your view of men) for my blow job technique.

So, what do we do when we’re faced with this challenge? Giving a blow job can be intimidating whether you’ve done it a hundred times, or you’re looking at the length of your partner for the very first time. It’s an involved, active process — coordinating your lips, tongue, and hands in just the right combo… but, it can feel pretty complicated sometimes. After all, where do you put your hands (or, more importantly, your teeth), and what do you do when your partner crosses the finish line? 

We’re often still afraid to talk about sex openly, which makes “word of mouth” an unreliable source for information about oral sex. When my best friend asks me for general sex advice, I give it without hesitation. Yet, when someone asks for tips on how to give head, we might stumble over our words and find ourselves blushing. It’s such an intimate act, we tend to keep the details to ourselves instead of yelling them from the rooftops to help out our fellow blow job-giving babes. That’s why we created this guide — to build your blow job confidence and give you all the answers, from blow job basics to more advanced questions and techniques.

How to Give a Good Blow Job

The key to giving a good blow job is your enthusiasm and excitement. It sounds simple, but it has a huge impact — your partner wants to know that you’re into it, that you want to take them in your mouth and enjoy every second of it. If you’re not having fun, your partner will pick up on that, and it reduces everyone’s pleasure.

I’m not going to tell you to pretend it’s the hottest thing ever if you don’t feel that way. It’s important to honor your needs, your desires, and your preferences. Some people prefer to have penetrative sex before oral because oral sex feels more personal. Others feel the opposite and prefer oral sex first, and there are folks who don’t want to have oral sex at all, which is absolutely their choice. There’s no right answer.

If you want to have oral sex with your partner but don’t particularly love and get excited while giving it, try to explore what would turn you on while giving oral. Personally, I love the reaction I get from my partner, hearing their moans, or feeling their body react when I try a technique that really turns them on. I love the power I have while I’m on my knees, and I love it when the favor is returned. All of those factors make this so-called “job” a fun and playful experience that gets me excited in the process. It’s like a puzzle — I’m trying to crack the code with just the right combination to get him off. Explore what you enjoy about giving a blow job, and lean into it. Trying something new can be just as hot, if not hotter, than using predetermined techniques.

Safer Sex for Blow Jobs

The fear of an STI may also make you hesitate when considering giving a blow job to a new partner. First, have a conversation about STI status — How recently have they been tested? Have they had new partners since then? Should you both get tested before having “fluid-bonded” sex (including oral sex)? These conversations might feel nerve-wracking at first, but they’re an empowering part of sexual communication and honoring your sexual health! 

If your partner doesn’t know their status or hesitates, if you don’t 100% trust their reply, or if you simply want to wait until you both get tested – you can absolutely use a condom for oral sex. Stock up on some deliciously flavored condoms, and you can even use a bit of condom-safe lube inside the condom for extra sensation. If you’re excited about exploring what different flavors taste like, it can become a fun game to test them all and have him watch you work and explore. If your partner is hesitant about using a condom (like perhaps they find it hard to maintain an erection with condoms) you can always opt to wait for STI results instead.

Ask About Your Partner’s Personal Preferences

There’s a common stereotype that all folks with penises like the same thing. While there may be some common trends, the vast majority of penis-wielders also have their own preferences, different areas of the penis that are most pleasurable (or too sensitive!), and enjoy different techniques to get them off. You know how when a partner is going down on you, and you’re wishing they’d speed up, slow down, or just move slightly to the left? It’s the same thing for your partner — they might like more lips and less hands, or maybe more hands and less mouth, or focus on one area or technique over another. 

You can ask them directly what they like, where they’re most sensitive, or learn their body language and non-verbal cues – or express that you’re happy to take direction if it’s provided (as long as you’re down for that direction, too!). If you’re exploring with a casual partner just for one night, you can still blow their mind with your own go-to routine, and eventually adjust depending on your partner and their preferences. As you get more comfortable with your partner (and their penis) you can explore new tricks and techniques and get their feedback to explore what feels best for you both. 

Always remember that your preferences matter too. You don’t have to take the entirety of your partner’s member into your mouth to make it pleasurable for them, or deep throat just because they like it. Speak openly with your partner about what you like and don’t like, and explore ways to pleasure them that work for you, too. Often, becoming more intimate and sexually adventurous comes from feeling comfortable and confident with your partner and knowing yourself and your preferences. Your desires and boundaries matter too!

Blow Job Techniques: The Basics

Depending on the setting (living room, bedroom, bar alleyway, etc.) you may be sitting, standing, laying beside them, or kneeling in front of them. Take the time to get yourself comfortable, because you’ll be spending some time down there! If you’re adjusting your position, keep touching them so they know you aren’t going anywhere. You can use your hands to run along their thighs, run your fingertips across their penis, kiss along their thighs, or run your hands up their body to let them know you’re engaged and eager to play. 

Your partner might already be hard or growing, but if they’re not, don’t freak out. Sometimes, it can take some time for their penis to grow, especially if the blow job is unexpected. There are times when my partner is semi-hard or even completely flaccid, especially if I’m waking them up in the morning. As soon as you start to move your mouth, they’ll likely perk up, and you’ll know you’re on the right track.

To start, you’ll want to make sure their dick is wet and will slide easily in and out of your mouth. Try licking them from the base to the tip while holding eye contact, or letting a little spit drip from your lips onto the head of their penis, and then rubbing it down the shaft. 

You don’t need to worry about taking the entire penis into your mouth (unless you want to). Take time to explore them. Gently suck the head of their dick and spin your tongue around the sensitive tip. When you’re ready, slowly take in as much of him as you can (or want to). Lead their penis towards the roof of your mouth, instead of flattening your tongue. This will help to reduce your gag reflex. Taking all of them in your mouth can be really hot, even if it’s only for a quick second! You can close your lips as you slide up and down, and run your tongue along the ridged tip of their penis. Once everything is lubed up with spit, use your hands as if they’re an extension of your mouth. Try both hands if he’s well-endowed, or one hand while softly rubbing his balls with the other.

As you find your groove, your partner might offer some feedback about what feels best, or you can listen to their moans and body language to guide you.

1. Hands: One, Two, or None

Using hands during blow jobs is full of mixed messages. Many memes suggest not using hands at all, but this isn’t really practical. It’s extremely difficult to give a good blow job without them! Hands help to guide you, keep your partner’s penis in place, and can serve as a handy extension of your mouth, providing more sensation, variety, and control than lips and tongue alone.

Your partner’s preferences may widely differ, but that doesn’t mean you should feel any pressure to go without hands at all. Explore different sensations and feel what works best for your partner, while giving you the stability and control you need to give a blow job. Many people prefer hands because it helps with speed, friction, and the firmer grip they need to get off! 

Explore wrapping your hand (or hands if your partner is longer) around the base of their penis, and moving them up and down in sync with your mouth. Some partners enjoy your hands gently twisting up and down their shaft while your mouth focuses on the tip, which can give a new sensation.

If they’re well-endowed, it might be helpful to use two hands to guide your mouth (and prevent it from going too deep). Wrap your hand around their shaft firmly, but not too tightly, and trail your hands up and down with your mouth. Or, you can use one hand at the base of the penis to hold it up as you work your magic above.

Others might prefer you use as little of your hands as possible and enjoy the sensation of your lips and mouth more. Yet, this can take some practice to get it just right. I gave my first blow job without hands after many years of practice (I was very determined to cross it off my ever-growing bucket list). It helps if your partner isn’t as long or girthy, so that you can have more control. There really isn’t any predicting which a man prefers so you’ll have to learn as you go, or eventually ask them what they like and practice.

There are no set-in-stone rules here or with any sexual act. Experiment and see what they’re into! If there’s something your partner is into, ask them to let you know or to tell you what to add on (or subtract) during your blow job. You can also listen to their moans, body motions, or other non-verbal cues that they like what you’re doing. It might take time to learn these non-verbal cues from your specific partner, so open communication is key!

2. What to do With Your Teeth

Teeth. Most penis-owners cringe at the thought of teeth being incorporated into oral sex. I always thought that I needed to pretend I was wearing dentures and had taken them out entirely to make the blow job enjoyable. Or, that I had to cover my teeth entirely with my lips, and essentially leave teeth-indents on the inside of my lips to completely block them from coming into contact. This actually makes the blow job sensation feel more rough, and isn’t as pleasurable for both parties.

While you’ll want to avoid dragging your teeth up and down the shaft or knicking them on their tip, you don’t need to fear your teeth accidentally grazing their penis in general. You can do your best to position your mouth in an O shape to minimize contact, but it’s not the end of the world if you happen to gently graze a tooth along the shaft.

Some people are actually into the gentle use of teeth. My no-teeth theory was turned upside down when a partner actually requested me to use my teeth. I looked up at him in shock as if he had told me the sky was red, not blue. With my eyes wide and stunned, and usually committed to my no-teeth routine, I immediately said as if by instinct “I’m not supposed to use my teeth”. A guy that WANTS me to use my teeth? What if I hurt him? But, he walked me through it and explained that he wasn’t asking me to bite into it but rather extremely lightly run my teeth along his shaft.

With his enthusiasm, I was down to try it. I was nervous and and started out light, so he gave me direction, telling me to do it a little harder, and once I did, he told me to lighten up (okay, Goldielocks) but eventually I understood what he preferred. I figured this was an anomaly, but after consulting many hookups and guy friends, it’s apparently pretty common, and lots of penis-owners love it when it’s done correctly. If neither of you have tried teeth during a blow job, you can start by very, VERY lightly running your teeth along the shaft while you move up and down. Just be gentle, and check-in with your partner to see if it’s for them!

3. Pay Attention to Their Balls

We have always been warned that balls are sensitive. For a long time, I just avoided them altogether — I figured they would ignore me if I ignored them. It wasn’t until a guy specifically requested it that I learned it wasn’t as scary as I’d made it out to be. 

Playing with your partner’s balls certainly isn’t the main act, but you don’t need to ignore them (like I did for so long). 

You can start with gently rubbing their balls in your palm using your fingers, one at a time as your mouth and other hand focus on their shaft.  If that feels good for your partner, you can explore rolling both balls in your hand or lightly pulling on them — ask your partner what they like, and listen to their body!

If you’re feeling brave and want to use your mouth, make sure you do so carefully. They are sensitive and are to be approached with caution, so be extra mindful of fingernails or teeth. You can put one in your mouth, suck lightly, and then switch to the other — or you can put them both in your mouth at once. Your partner might also like your tongue simply running over or between them as you glide from the balls, all the way up his shaft to the tip. You can experiment with variation, softly sucking on their balls and watching their reaction, then switching it up to see what they respond best to. While you’re sucking, use one or both hands on their penis to keep them excited, engaged, and ready for more — remember that the penis is the main event, the balls are a side quest!

4. How to Deep Throat

Sometimes, the idea of deep throating can be scarier than the actual act of it. After all, the deep throating we see in porn can be intense, and taking a partner SO deep can be uncomfortable depending on their size. Deep throating should never be expected by your partner — it’s completely up to your comfort, and a partner who respects you should honor your boundaries and desires. However, if you’re eager to try it, simply telling your partner “I want to try to deep throat you” can be sexy as fuck and will likely drive your partner wild with excitement, even if it’s new and you’re not yet sure what to do, or if it works for your body. Here’s a method and some tips to make deep throating easier and more pleasurable for both of you.

Start out slowly by just moving your mouth up and down like you normally would, pushing their penis more towards the roof of your mouth than your tongue (which is more likely to hit your gag reflex). Use your hands at the base of the penis as you slowly take more into your mouth and use less of your hands. Try to loosen your throat muscles (think of the sound “aaaah”) and see if you can go further (or all the way down) for just a second. 

Trust me, you don’t have to take their penis all the way to the back of your throat and leave it there for a full minute like you see online. The sensation of simply being all the way in your throat for a second or two is already pleasurable (and some people with penises actually find it too intense!). After they’re entirely in your mouth, come back up, take a breath, and then try it again. Even if it’s for a short period of time, your partner will find the attempt and enthusiasm really hot.

If you feel like it’s going in too deep, don’t panic. Use your hands to guide you as you retract your mouth, closing your mouth around the tip of their penis, sucking lightly. Feel free to even run the tip of your tongue along the shaft or around the head. This gives you time to catch your breath and mentally prepare to try again. Also, confidence is key here, too. If you seem confident, he’s going to think you meant to do that and think you’re teasing him, not trying to control your gag reflex. 

If you have a less-sensitive gag reflex and you and your partner enjoy the sensation, feel free to stick around for a while! You can moan while your partner is in your mouth, gently move your face as if your mouth is rotating in an O-shape around them, or “fake gag” for a little fun flair.

5. To Swallow or Not to Swallow

This is probably the most controversial part of oral sex and it really just has to do with one thing: your preference. Whether or not you decide to swallow your partner’s cum is entirely up to you and your preference. It’s as common to spit it out as it is to swallow, so you shouldn’t feel any shame either way, and your partner shouldn’t be pressuring you either. If he is, he doesn’t deserve a blow job in the first place!

Regardless of whether you’re swallowing or not, your partner should tell you verbally (or give you a non-verbal cue if you agree) that they’re about to finish, so you can prepare for it and let your partner know what you want to do, and where it should go.

If you’re curious about swallowing, it is usually a fairly quick experience. When they cum, hold them in your mouth and slow your movement while they finish (some partners might need motion to stop entirely as they’re too sensitive). Then, you can swallow quickly — rather than let it settle in your mouth. Some people prefer this method because spitting requires you to hold it in your mouth longer until you can find a place to spit. 

It can also be helpful for your partner’s penis to be further toward the back of your mouth when they cum, so that it hits your throat rather than your taste buds. You can also try a “partial swallow” technique, where your partner cums in your mouth (to get the sensation of cumming in your mouth), but then you immediately open your mouth and let the cum dribble onto his dick instead of swallowing, which can also be a hot visual.

Everyone’s cum will taste differently, so it may be helpful to have a glass of water close by to chase it. If your partner has a particularly bad taste, you can explore some diet or lifestyle changes that could help. Generally, coffee, milk, smoking, and certain bitter foods or meats can make cum taste more bitter, while naturally sweet things like pineapple, fruits, and juices will sweeten the taste. If your partner doesn’t want to give up coffee or dairy altogether, they can take a day or two pause before your next encounter as a courtesy.

If you’re not into swallowing (or don’t want the taste) at all, you can give your partner some alternative options! Tell your partner where you want them to finish – or ask your partner if they want to finish on your face, chest, or somewhere else. If they’re close to finishing and there isn’t time to explore “where”, you can pull back and have them cum into your hands or on your chest, gently stroking them as they reach orgasm. Afterward, you can easily clean up with tissues or a towel (or in the sink or shower if you prefer) if you want to clean up before cuddling or receiving your turn. If you’re down to cuddle or swap without a clean-up, that’s totally cool too! Lots of couples keep going or leave it on them – it’s just as easy to shower or wipe off with a wet towel when it dries.

Giving the Best Blow Job Experience

A blow job should be a grand tour of the dick. Take your time to explore different stages and techniques, and experiment with what brings the most pleasure for both of you. Start with teasing them, intensifying your techniques, and then tease them again to keep them on edge. They’ll be throbbing and begging you for more. 

Explore what feels fun for you too, whether that’s a certain technique, moaning, asking your partner to be more vocal so you feel satisfied in the experience, or even using a vibrator on yourself! The more you explore, the more you’ll find what you both like and what works best for you both, all while respecting boundaries and satisfying desires. 

At its best, giving good head can leave you feeling like a successful sex kitten or a pro pornstar — and leave him thinking a succubus just snuck in his bedroom window and sucked his soul right out through his dick. It can feel like a huge accomplishment and source of power that becomes a playful erotic tool to tease and please.