Is penis size really important? How small is too small? You may have heard that the average penis size is around 5 inches, yet some may be worried that either their length or girth is they’re not the “perfect size”. We often compare ourselves to porn, rather than exploring all the pleasure we can experience with our bodies and bring to our partners, regardless of size. 

When we throw away the measuring tape, we can expand our sense of pleasure and learn to work with our bodies, rather than fighting against them, feeling bad, or shaming them. 

So, Is Penis Size Important?

It’s much more important to expand your skill set, regardless of penis size. Redefine sex to not just PIV (Penis in Vagina intercourse), but to include all types play, including oral sex, fingering, and sex toy stimulation. What we typically view as “foreplay” should actually be included as part of sex, and sometimes all of the sex! It’s not a pre-game or warm-up before insertion. All types of erotic play are equally important, and can be used in combination to bring more pleasure to your partner than any penis can bring alone! 

Rushing to get straight to insertion, or assuming insertion is the only important part of sex, can be harmful to you and your partner. Most orgasms for people with vulvas come from clitoral stimulation, and not insertion. By speeding through, or even speeding right past, some of the most pleasurable parts of sex, you will lessen your partner’s chance of reaching an orgasm at all. Don’t be afraid to reframe your concept of sex and what sex means to you. 

How to Measure Your Penis Isn’t Important

It’s not important to measure your length or girth, or to know an exact penis size. It’s also not helpful to compare yourself to others, and especially to what you see in porn, which over-selects for large penises and isn’t representative of average penis size.

Porn also isn’t representative of how much pleasure you can give your partner, regardless of penis size. 

What’s more important than penis size is tuning in to your partners’ needs and desires,  asking what feels pleasurable and comfortable for them, and exploring a wide range of sexual positions, methods, and techniques to maximize pleasure. Size is much less important than understanding how to work with the equipment you have. Communication is key!

Explore How Penis Length and Girth Size Impact Your Pleasure 

It’s important for everyone to understand their own body, what turns them on, and what gets them off; whether it’s a certain angle, tempo, position, or stimulation. The more you know your own body, the more you can share that knowledge with your partner, and tell them what turns you on and brings you over the edge. With all your pleasure-filled awareness, you can expand your sexual skills and explore different positions, speeds, tempos, and techniques to expertly target your most pleasurable zones, whether with a penis, mouth, fingers, toys, or something else entirely.  

So encourage your partner to experiment solo with fingers or toys, and then have them show you what they’ve learned. Explore different positions, speeds, tempos, and motions to see what feels best. If you want to explore how girth, length, and shape change sensation, you can try a toy kit with different sized or shaped toys. Explore how the different sizes and shapes affect your pleasure and experiment with different positions to see how to maximize sensation.

Bigger Doesn’t Always Mean Better

For many people with vaginas, some of the worst sex they’ve had has been with partners with huge length and girth. There is a misconception that people with large penises only have to thrust, and their partner will be moaning in pleasure, as if often depicted in porn. Not only can this be uncomfortable and painful, but doesn’t incorporate all the body’s erogenous zones, especially the highly-sensitive and pleasurable clit. In reality, sex is much more dynamic and is often a full-body experience that requires more clever positioning and different types of motions to get off.

It’s also possible to have some of the best sexual experiences with some of the smallest penises! I have had friends who’ve experienced the most intense orgasms of their lives(and squirted for the first time!) with smaller sized partners, and even partners with a micropenis. In these instances, partners were often able to angle their penises perfectly to target the g-spot and move in just the right motions, without having it uncomfortably hit the cervix. The tip is perfectly sized and shaped to target the nearby g-spot when inserted all the way, and the receiver can rock back and forth to rub their clit on their partner’s public bone for intense dual-stimulation. For some, this can lead to the most intense orgasms of their lives!

Go Beyond Average Penis Size to Enhance Pleasure

Forget what you see in porn, and really tune in to your partner’s authentic pleasure. Many partners are overly focused on a thrusting or jackhammer motion, which can be uncomfortable and doesn’t provide much clitoral stimulation. Instead, ask your partner which erogenous zones really turn them on, and spend more time with the clit and other nerve-packed pleasure centers around the body. Re-think your favorite sex positions, motions, and techniques to focus on the areas that bring them the most sensation, rather than just what looks good (and is often shown) in porn. 

Any position where you can focus on a more rhythmic grinding, back and forth motions, or side to side motions, instead of focusing on just thrusting, will often bring more pleasure and sensation to all the nerve endings in the vagina, vulva, and super-sensitive clitoris. Explore different positions that increase contact with the clitoris against the pubic bone, or where you can easily incorporate a toy for more clitoral stimulation. 

One of the best sex positions for clitoral pleasure and powerful orgasms is The Coital Alignment Technique, or “The Cat”. This is a variation of missionary that directly stimulates the clitoris, bringing a big boost of pleasure by focusing on grinding the clit against the pubic bone. This position is a great option for those who want more clitoral contact during sex (and often, more orgasms!

It can also be helpful to have the receiver on top, so that they can control the speed, depth, and motion. Try focusing on circular motions, grinding your clit against the pubic bone, back and forth motions for g-spot stimulation, or leaning over to get more skin-to-skin contact versus in-and-out thrusting. It is so important to focus on clitoral stimulation (which is what gets off most people with vulvas anyway!) so find ways to incorporate that into any position, whether it’s reaching around or using a toy during doggy style, or taking advantage of hands that are free to roam all over when the receiver is on top.

No matter the length or girth of your or your partner’s penis, it is truly all about the knowledge of your body, communication, and focusing on your most impactful pleasure zones. Know what brings you pleasure and what brings your partner pleasure. Don’t be afraid to try different positions or experiment with new toys, and shift your techniques and methods depending on your partner’s needs and desires. And as always, communicate, communicate, communicate! With these tips, you can absolutely maximize your pleasure regardless of penis size.