Foreplay isn’t just a quick act before sex — it can be an intimate, exciting, all-day immersive experience. With the right sexting tips and techniques, you can have foreplay all day well before you hit the bedroom — anytime, anywhere, even at work or at a family dinner.
Sexting is a fantastic way to share your fantasies and spark eroticism wherever you are in the world, no matter the distance. You can even set the scene for super hot, detailed experiences… like giving the ultimate virtual sexting blow job. In this guide, our experts share ten steamy sexting tips with examples that will take your teasing and foreplay game to the next level.
1. Opt for erotic sexting phrases
Don’t be shy — sexting is your opportunity to get nasty. For some, you may have to step out of your comfort zone a little bit for these sexting tips. You can start by exploring new words and phrases that feel erotic, and after you see how your partner responds to one or two of these raunchy texts, it will boost your confidence until you become a sexting expert yourself!
Take the words penis, blow job, hand job, vagina, coochy and boobs out of your vocabulary. Instead, use words like dick or cock, tight little pussy, and nipples or tits — and instead of simply saying “I want to give you a blow job” explore how you can expand your blow job sex to be as detailed as possible… maybe you want to lick up and down their shaft until they’re begging you for more, twirl your tongue around the head of their cock until you taste them, and make their cock wet with your spit until they’re begging to be inside your tight, wet pussy. See how much hotter that sounds already?
If you’re not experienced with dirty talk, this is an opportunity to play with phrases and explore. Imagine you’re there in the moment, describing every detail as it happens. Break each action down into its simplest parts until it feels like an erotic novel (erotica can even give you some inspiration for this!) Detail how you want to kiss down their body, feel them under you, grind against them, and slowly slip them inside you. Draw it out to its slowest, simplest parts in the more erotic detail possible.
You can also think of it this way — show, don’t tell. Your imagination is a powerful tool. Give your partner as many details as you possibly can, and when you think you’ve added enough details, add some more!
2. Tease your partner as foreplay
Sexting doesn’t always have to be the down-and-dirty details. Teasing sexts can create all-day foreplay and set the scene for what you want them to do to you as soon as you both get home. Trust me — they won’t be able to think about anything other than ravaging you until they see you again. Let your partner know exactly what you want to do, or what they can look forward to when they get home. Try phrases like:
- As soon as you walk through the door tonight, I’m going to be on my knees waiting for you, ready to play and take me however you want me.
- I can’t wait to feel you slip inside me tonight, and ride you as you feel my wetness surround your cock.
- I have been so wet thinking about you all day… all I can think about is wrapping my lips around your cock, and letting you do whatever you to do to me tonight.
Just like foreplay, these teasing sexting tips set a sensual scene while leaving more to the imagination — perfect for a mid-day work sext when you can’t dive into a whole scene together. Plus, if your sex life is feeling routine, teasing sexts can help shake things up, boost intimacy, increase excitement, and make sex hotter once you get home. Everyone likes to get lost in playful fantasies sometimes, and doing it over text creates anticipation even before you’re physically together!
3. Turn your sexts into a story
Imagine the whole scenario from start to finish, with several messages throughout the day that turn your fantasy into a playful erotic scene. Here’s what that might look like for a blowjob sexting scene:
- I can’t stop thinking about you today… I want you so bad…
- Imagine me on top of you, kissing your lips, tracing them down your neck, sucking gently before I slowly kiss down your chest.
- Once I get to your waist, I feel how hard you are inside your boxers, and slowly rub your cock through them, smirking as I loop up at you
- When you can hardly take any more teasing, I’ll take out your cock and slowly swirl my tongue around the tip until I taste you, knowing you’re ready for more
- As you start moaning in pleasure, I wrap my lips around your cock, taking all of you inside my mouth, slowly and deeply, all the way to the bottom…
- I feel you gently thrusting in my mouth, and I quicken my pace, feeling you get harder inside my mouth, and moaning with pleasure as I feel my pussy dripping wet with anticipation, wanting you deep inside me
- I feel you start to tense up, but I don’t want you to cum yet — so I pull back, smiling and climbing on top of you, and rub the tip of your cock against my soaking wet pussy.I slowly slip you inside me, feeling every inch of you stretch me wider, and we both moan in pleasure as I lean down to kiss your neck, and gently ride you
- I feel you pulsing back into me, gripping my ass and controlling my speed, going faster and faster until both of us are shaking and about to cumYou feel my pussy tighten and pulse around you, my knees shaking and barely keeping me on top, coming over and over again from your cock, but I’m not finished with you yet…
- Before you cum, I slip you out of me and taste myself on your cock, teasing you one more time before taking you all inside my mouth, to fill me until I can taste you too
These sexting tips let your partner know that something is happening tonight and let them know just what to expect when they get home so that’s going to be all your partner thinks about. Why is teasing important? Because just like foreplay, it’s important and makes sex hotter. Everyone likes to be teased and doing it over text creates anticipation even before you’re physically together!
This technique incorporates all the hot, erotic details into a sexting scene and story that feels complete from start to finish, and can be read over and over again either in anticipation of what’s to come or to get off on, right in the moment.
4. Find the right pace
Have your sexting experience unfold with a natural timing – you don’t need to send everything all at once! Spread your thoughts out every few minutes and send the details in several messages. If you’re actively going back and forth, you can send a few sexts of what you would do, and then wait for their reply. They might add another action to the scene and switch things up, or they might love that you’re taking the lead and encourage you with things like “Mmmm… that’s so hot”. Depending on your mood, you can keep unfolding your story, or ask them “What would you do to me next?”
If you’re sending sexts throughout the day as foreplay rather than getting off together in the moment, you could opt for a simple teasing text, or unfold a story over about 10-15 minutes — teasing them with details while giving the impression (or reality) that you’re actively fantasizing about it and getting off in the moment too. An easy lead-in could be “I had the hottest dream about you last night…” or “I can’t stop fantasizing about you…” to frame it as the retelling of your own desires, while you also fantasize about it line-by-line rather than a long paragraph.
5. Keep it realistic, while also exploring fantasies
If there are boundaries that you definitely don’t want to cross, don’t feel pressure to bring them up in sexting, even though sexting is a fantasy. If you don’t like to swallow, you don’t have to say that you want them to cum in your mouth — even if it sounds hot, it’s not authentic to you, and not something you actually want to do. Share things that you actually do want to do and explore fantasies that you’re truly eager to try.
Sexting can be an awesome opportunity to explore your own fantasies — whether you want to try something kinky or let your partner know that you want a more sensual and romantic scene. You can change course at any time, and play with different ideas before bringing them to life in the bedroom. Do you want to play a sensual, romantic, teasing sex kitten? Or do you want to explore your femme domme side? Exploring your fantasies in sexting can help you to brainstorm ideas for a scene together so that you can put them into practice in person.
You can also ask your partner what their fantasies and desires are, and see what you both want to try. You can draw inspiration from adult films or erotic stories, or find a Yes/No/Maybe list to compare what each of your desires are. There are even kink-specific lists that you can explore! Maybe you want to be dominated by your partner, but you’re unsure what that scene might look like. Exploring it via these sexting tips can help you both feel into the role, and start to naturally explore what types of scenes, phrases, and actions turn you both on.
If you’re not sure where to start, are nervous about your desires, or are afraid to bring it up to your partner, having some extra support can help. Our founder, Lorrae Jo offers 1:1 Coaching to help solos and couples express and embrace their desires, and also has an online course all about letting go of shame and removing the subconscious blocks that prevent us from embodying our full erotic selves. If you’re ready to bring your desires to life, join us for Subvert Your Subconscious or sync up for coaching!
6. Sext when it’s least expected
Sexting your partner at an unexpected time can either lead to teasing anticipation (like we explored at work) or even a spontaneous rendezvous when out in public. Let’s set a scene on what this could look like… say you’re at a wedding, and you’re at a lull point that’s a bit dull (you know, sometime between dinner and dessert while the oldies music is still playing). Send a naughty sext and watch your partner squirm in their seat while they read it. You could say something like “All I can think about right now is taking off your tux when we get home and having you lift my dress to take me too… I don’t even think we’d make it home. We might have to pull over to play in the car.” or, if you have a place you can safely escape to… something like, “I don’t want to wait til tonight to play… I scoped out a private place where we can sneak away… let’s go so you can feel how wet I am for you.”
7. Collaborate on the sexting scene
If your partner is a little shy to sext with you, one of the greatest sexting tips is asking them questions to get their feedback or spark the next idea. Say “how would you like that?”, “what would you do to me next?”, or “what do you want me to do to you?” Sexting is often a collaborative effort – but it may take some time and practice for your partner to feel comfortable and have the words to be open about their desires, too.
That said, you might also have a partner whose sexting fantasies aren’t super aligned with yours, and divert the scene into a territory you don’t really want to play in. If your partner says something like “I want to bend you over and stick it in your ass,” but you don’t enjoy anal sex, you can redirect the sexting scene instead of completely shutting it down. You can say something like “It would be so hot for you to bend me over and spank my ass, watching how wet I get before you fuck my tight pussy.” This offers another option without breaking the sexual tension and scene for either of you.
8. Take a sexy selfie
If you’re with a partner you trust, you can turn up the heat with these sexting tips using visual cues — whether you prefer a seductive photo or want to take a tempting video. If you’re prepping in advance – take pictures the night before in your favorite lace panties, and send them to your partner the next day while they’re at work. Your partner will be aching to get home to you to take them off. If you’re on the go, you can sneak away to take a secluded selfie with a little flash, some cleavage, your panties, or whatever you prefer!
If you’re playing in the moment, a live-action shot can really turn up the heat. You can trail your fingers along your body and tease with anticipation, playing with the edges of your panties or lounging in bed with your bits just barely hidden. Or, if you’re feeling extra adventurous, you can snap an intimate pic or clip playing with yourself. You can even incorporate one of your favorite sex toys. A fabulous option would be the Magic Wand, a Slutty Girl favorite and a truly iconic vibrator that has a long, sleek body – that you can easily play with over panties, get a shot of you riding on top of it, or use it nude with the mystery of it covering your most intimate parts.
9. Incorporate turn-ons and compliments
Has your partner ever done something you absolutely loved and it drove you wild — but they never did it again? Take these sexting tips as opportunitiesf to let you know how hot that moment was, how much you fantasize about it, and how much you’d love to have it again. You can tell your partner “I love the look you give me when you’re going down on me… your eyes while your tongue is teasing my clit are just so hot together.” You can also remind them of a specific memory, like “Hey, remember when you did this… I can’t stop fantasizing about it. That was so hot.” Tell your partner exactly what you liked and why you liked it. I bet you can count on them to do it again very soon, and with some repetition, over and over again.
10. Bring your sexting fantasies to life
One of the most crucial sexting tips to keeping it hot long-term is to bring all of your hot fantasies and scenes right to the bedroom. Once you get home, make it happen! You’ve teased each other all day long, you’ve set hot scene after hot scene… and now it’s time for you to both have a release, and bring those desires to life! You don’t have to recreate everything word-for-word but allow your sexting experiences to be the spark that lights up more erotic energy once you’re back together. It can be a long-term fuel to keep imaginations and fantasies brewing — but like any brew, you don’t want it to go stale. Get home, and drink up! You deserve all the pleasure you’ve been fantasizing about.
